Entry # 4 --- Structure, Definition and Order

We are constantly forced throughout our lives to order, structure and define everything that comes our way. We define things that happen to us, situations we find ourselves in, we structure our activities, our schedules and in all that, we come to find a certain order to how we do things, say things, act upon things. Well, recently, I've been approached with the idea of doing things with no definition, structure, anything. This has me completely freaked out. I've always been the kind of woman to plan out everything to the last detail, and over-analyze everything thrown at me. But, even putting all that aside, I was still weirded out. So, I've been making it my mission to figure out exactly why structure and definition is important to me, or anyone for that matter....at first, I was stumped. I was really forced to look at things from a different perspective and I have go to be honest...the conclusion I have come to, I did not arrive at easily....so here goes....we as humans need structure, need definition for the simple fact that we experience emotions....if we do not define things, do not structure things a certain way, we get scared, confused, etc....essentially, we experience disequilibrium....when we experience this, we can easily become insane.....structure and definition is what keeps us out of the crazy house....even now, I am proving this point...I have to DEFINE why we need definition so I can feel sane....like everything I'm doing is for a reason...the question that remains is....what is so wrong with being a little insane sometimes?? I have always been surrounded by a certain amount of 'crazy' so I don't know why I'm so terrified of it.....I think it all boils down to one big conclusion I am trying my best to avoid....and that is, if I allow myself to live without definition and structure, that would mean I'm taking a risk....taking a risk means that I would become vulnerable, and thus exposing myself to being hurt.....so what to do????