Entry # 6 --- My Testimony (Re-visited)

My Testimony Re-visited: Trust, Faith and Prayer



I once wrote down my testimony, but somewhere along the way, I misplaced it. I looked in many different places to find it, but to no avail. I had no luck finding the original, so I thought, “why not just re-write it?” With everything that’s going on at the present time, I thought it might be appropriate. I feel that God has laid upon my heart some words that I can share with other people.
So, here goes. Growing up, I was basically a good kid. I did well in school, I steered clear of most major pitfalls, and aside from the normal scuffles, basically did good things. I decided to give my heart to Jesus after I attended youth camp one summer. I publicly admitted my faith through baptism. Time went on and I made it through the first three years of high school, untouched and unscathed. It was the summer before my senior year that tragedy befell me. I visited an ex-boyfriend, then trusted friend on a summer afternoon. That day, I was raped. My entire sense of trust for men was shattered in an instant. Afterwards, I couldn’t talk to any man. Even men I had known for years (my pastor, my brother, even my own dad!), I felt scared to turn to. It was difficult for me to comprehend what had happened. I never, ever thought that someone so close to me could hurt me so bad. It made me fearful to trust anybody. I pretty much shut down. I couldn’t sleep, I had nightmares, and I cried all the time. Something I want to try and convey to others is that rape carries with it very ambiguous feelings. On one hand, you want to run up and down the streets, telling everyone what happened to you. On the other hand it’s the single biggest vulnerability that you have, so it’s not easy to talk about. So, you see, I wanted to talk about it, but wasn’t sure who I could turn to.
One might question why I didn’t turn to God right away. Truthfully, I must admit I thought he might be angry with me. I mean, how could I put myself in that position? Not only that, but I was at a point in my life where it was hard to trust anyone. You see, my problem didn’t lie in believing; it lied in trust and faith. It’s easy to believe in God, but when something happens to shake your world, your faith and trust are put to the test. My faith had never been tested before. It isn’t until your world is turned upside down that you really have to rely on your trust in God.
I cried myself to sleep every night until I finally broke down and spoke to God. It was such a release to finally talk about my feelings. And the best part was that I really felt God was listening. I prayed that he might give me the strength I needed to get through all I had endured. It was a slow process, but I found that the more I prayed, the more I could trust again. God showed me that even though I was betrayed by someone I trusted, not everyone was like that. He was patient, gave me plenty of time to come to him with the weight on my heart and then gently lifted it. He was there to listen and because of that, I knew that there was someone I could always trust.
I still wish that I didn’t have to experience that, but it did make me a stronger person and it also strengthened my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I feel this is my true testimony. Anyone can believe in God, but I think a true Christian is founded when trials test their faith, yet they’re still able to trust in God.
I believe that I was able to make it through such an ordeal based on three key ingredients: 1.) my trust and faith in God, 2.) prayer, and 3.) reliance on God to take care of me. It is through these key things that we must live our lives as Christians. We must also convey these things to others and use our testimony as proof that these things truly work. However, even Christians are fallible and prey to losing faith when things get rough. God wants us to trust him that he will take care of us.
I am reminded of Peter and the night he walked on water. He saw Jesus coming toward the boat, walking on the water, and found that when he got out of the boat, he could walk on water as well. But, when he saw the waves and storm around him, he was frightened and began to sink. But God held his hand out to Peter and helped him. We must remember that, even when the waves surround us, God is there, extending his hand, taking care of us. This is why we must always go to him when we’re in trouble. He will take care of us; the promise is true.
We also have to trust the power of prayer. The Bible says, “God answers prayer” (Psalms 138:3). It doesn’t say that he only answers certain prayers. He answers all prayer. No matter how menial or daunting, prayer is answered. It may take some time, and it may not be exactly how we pictured it, but God hears us talking to him and takes care of our needs.
Lastly, we must trust and have faith that things will work out in the end. The Bible says, “You can be sure that even small faith can accomplish much” (Matthew 17:20). It also says that, “Trials may test your faith, but hang onto it” (I Peter 1:7). Faith and trust go hand in hand and in order to maintain our relationship with God, we must have both.
The bottom line is this: God is the sole person who can help us in any situation, trial or tribulation. Everyone and everything we know is this world will pass away, but God will always remain. Even in the grimmest of times, he is there for us. We have to trust and believe that things will be alright if we put our trust and faith in him. Because when our hearts and minds are set on God, doors open up and new solutions present themselves. I feel I am privileged to say this because I am living proof of what trust, faith and prayer can do. I survived an awful ordeal, and here I am now, a strong and successful woman. I owe it all to him.